Hey friend,

There’s a question people at Live Better have asked me for years.
Sometimes it’s someone who’s brand new.
Sometimes it’s someone who’s been here a LONG time.
They’ll say something like:
“Why does this place feel so different?”
Or…
“Where does the energy in here come from?”
And I’ve always loved hearing that.
Because it means they’re feeling something I’ve hoped people would feel from the very beginning.
But if I’m being truthful…
I’ve never been very good at explaining exactly what “it” is.
I can tell you what we believe.
I can tell you why we do certain things.
I can tell you about chiropractic.
I can talk about the nervous system.
I can tell you about our team.
I can point to the relationships that have formed inside these walls.
But none of those things, by themselves, fully explain it.
Because I don’t think what people are feeling is any one thing.
I think they’re feeling the accumulation of a lot of little things.
How people are greeted.
How we listen.
The questions we ask.
The laughter.
The kids running around.
The conversations.
The celebrations.
The hard days we’re allowed to have together.
The people who’ve been here for years welcoming someone who’s here for the first time.
The feeling that somebody actually knows your name—and hopefully a whole lot more about you than what’s written in your chart.
It’s people.
It’s relationship.
It’s genuinely wanting something good for the person standing in front of you.
It’s trying to see the person underneath the problem.
It’s believing people are capable of taking ownership of their lives while also knowing none of us were meant to do life completely alone.
And maybe that’s why I’ve had such a hard time putting it into words.
You can explain what you do pretty easily.
It’s much harder to explain what something feels like.
But over these last couple of months, I’ve tried.

Actually…
maybe that’s what these emails have really been about.
I’ve told you things about myself that aren’t particularly easy for me to share.
My grandparents.
My grandmother.
My concussions.
The depression.
Being a husband.
Being a dad.
Trying to build enough capacity to actually be present for the people I love.
Learning that my mind and body weren’t my enemy.
Learning the difference between a hero and a guide.
Calm. Organize. Build.
Doing hard things alongside people who love you.
The kid who desperately wanted to belong.
Learning to see people.
Learning to love people.
And still learning how to let people love me.
Maybe I’ve been trying to put words around something you’ve already been feeling.
And hopefully, after reading these letters over the last couple of months, you’re beginning to understand why Live Better feels the way it does.
Because the answer isn’t really an adjustment.
It’s not our building.
It’s not our team.
And it’s certainly not me.
It’s what happens between all of us.
It’s what we’re trying to become.
It’s what we’re trying to take home to our families.
It’s what we hope our kids eventually carry beyond us.
It’s what happens when enough people decide they don’t simply want to get through LIFE…
they want to LIVE it.
That’s why I keep using this phrase:
The Live Better Movement.

And at the end of my last email, I asked you two questions:
What exactly are we moving away from?
And maybe more importantly…
What are we choosing to move toward?
After everything we’ve talked about together…
I think I’m finally getting closer to an answer.
I think a lot of life happens by reaction.
Something hurts.
React.
Our kid is struggling.
React.
We’re exhausted.
React.
Work gets crazy.
React.
Something scares us.
React.
The calendar fills up.
React.
A diagnosis comes.
React.
A problem appears.
Find something to make the problem disappear.
And we get pretty good at it.
We react.
Solve.
Respond.
Put out the fire.
Move to the next one.
React.
Solve.
Respond.
Repeat.
Until eventually…
there isn’t much of us left to react with.
We’re spread thin.
Mentally.
Physically.
Emotionally.
Relationally.
We’ve been carrying so many plates for so long that we don’t necessarily know how to put them down.
So what do we do?
Sometimes…
we escape.
And I think this is where something gets really interesting.
Because escape can look a LOT like calm.
You finally sit down.
Nobody is asking anything from you.
Your brain gets to check out.
And for a little while…
you don’t have to feel everything you’ve been carrying.
Maybe it’s doom scrolling.
Another hour disappears.
Then another.
Maybe it’s TV.
One night becomes night after night after night.
Maybe it’s food.
Shopping.
Work.
Gaming.
Alcohol or other substances.
Gambling.
Or something else entirely.
And let me be really clear:
I’m not telling you that watching TV is bad.
I watch TV.
I’m not telling you social media is evil.
I’m not telling you every form of entertainment is avoidance.
Enjoyment is part of LIFE.

But I’ve had to learn to ask myself an uncomfortable question:
“Am I enjoying this…or am I escaping into it?”
Those aren’t always the same thing.
Because distraction can create a temporary quiet without actually creating restoration.
For a moment, the noise disappears.
But the plates are still there when we come back.
The problem is still there.
The conversation still needs to happen.
Our mind and body are still exhausted.
Our marriage still needs attention.
Our kids still need us.
We still need us.
So eventually…
back to reacting.
Back to surviving.
Back to being spread too thin.
Back to distraction.
Repeat.
And that’s not a judgment.
I’ve done versions of it too.
It’s an invitation to notice the pattern.
Remember what we talked about in Message 5?
Calm. Organize. Build.
Real calm isn’t necessarily checking out.
Sometimes real calm requires being willing to become still enough to actually feel what’s there.
That’s harder.
Because once the noise stops…
we might hear something.
A question we’ve been avoiding.
A relationship that needs attention.
A boundary we need to establish.
Something we need to let go of.
Something we desperately miss.
Something we want.
Something we need help with.
Or maybe even a dream we’ve been too exhausted to dream.
That’s why I think the Live Better Movement begins with something surprisingly simple.
Better questions.
There’s an idea from Ed Mylett’s The Power of One More that has stuck with me.
He talks about the importance of the questions we ask ourselves.
And I think he’s right.
Because think about the questions we’ve been asking throughout these emails.

Instead of:
“What’s wrong with me?”
What happens when I ask:
“What’s happening to me?”
Instead of:
“How do I fix this as fast as possible?”
What happens when I ask:
“What am I not understanding yet?”
Instead of:
“Why can’t my kid just stop doing this?”
What happens when I ask:
“What might be happening underneath what I’m seeing?”
Instead of:
“How do I fit everything in?”
What happens when I ask:
“Does everything I’m carrying actually belong in this season?”
Instead of:
“How do I get the old me back?”
What happens when I ask:
“Who am I becoming from here?”
And maybe…
instead of:
“How do I get through today?”
What happens when I ask:
“What kind of LIFE am I actually trying to build?”
Questions change where we look.
And where we look changes what we’re able to see.
That’s something I believe deeply as a doctor too.
Sometimes my greatest value isn’t having an immediate answer.
Sometimes it’s helping someone ask a question they haven’t known to ask yet.
You’ve seen how important that became in my own story.
But there’s a problem.
Eventually, a good question asks something of us.
We can know exactly what needs to change…
and still not change it.

That’s where another idea has challenged me.
Gary John Bishop writes in Unfuk Yourself* about a deceptively simple question:
“Am I willing?”
I’ve thought about that one a lot.
Because there’s a huge difference between:
“I want this.”
and:
“I’m willing to do what this requires.”
I want more capacity.
Am I willing to rest when rest is what I need?
I want a better marriage.
Am I willing to have the uncomfortable conversation?
I want to be more present with my kids.
Am I willing to put the phone down?
I want less chaos.
Am I willing to say no to something good because it doesn’t belong in this season?
I want to understand what’s happening with my health.
Am I willing to ask questions and listen to the answers?
I want something different for my child.
Am I willing to change something in our family too?
I want to grow.
Am I willing to be uncomfortable?
I want a different life.
What am I actually willing to do differently?
That’s not a hoorah question.
Sometimes the answer is uncomfortable.
Sometimes the honest answer is:
“Not yet.”
Okay.
At least now we’re telling ourselves the truth.
Because ownership begins there.
And that’s where I think the movement becomes real.
Not with a slogan.
With choices.

FROM REACTION → TO INTENTION
Not controlling life.
We can’t.
Intention means deciding what matters before everything screaming for our attention decides for us.
What kind of husband do I want to be?
What kind of dad?
What kind of friend?
What kind of doctor?
What deserves my YES?
What needs my NO?
What am I willing to work for?
What am I willing to let go of?
What kind of LIFE am I trying to build?

FROM DISTRACTION → TO PRESENCE
This one matters more to me the older my kids get.
Because distraction steals something incredibly valuable:
the moment we’re actually in.
I don’t want to wake up someday with thousands of hours of screen time behind me and wonder where the little kids running around my house went.
They’re not going to stay little.
Neither am I.
Presence doesn’t mean never checking out.
Sometimes a movie with my family is exactly where I want to be.
Sometimes I want entertainment.
Sometimes I need a break.
The question is:
“Is this helping me return to my life…or helping me avoid it?”
Because I don’t want distraction to become my version of calm.
I want enough capacity to actually be present for my LIFE.

FROM DEPENDENCE → TO OWNERSHIP
I don’t want you waiting for somebody else to save you.
But I also don’t want you believing ownership means doing everything alone.
Remember my doctor?
He didn’t take over my story.
He helped me see it.
He asked questions.
He listened.
He evaluated.
He gave feedback.
He challenged me.
He walked alongside me.
And then I had to choose what I was going to do.
That’s the relationship I want with you at Live Better.
I want us to help you understand more.
See patterns.
Ask better questions.
Know where you are.
Clarify where you’re trying to go.
And help you determine the appropriate next step.
But the life we’re talking about?
It’s yours.

FROM FEAR → TO UNDERSTANDING
Not everything we experience has an immediate answer.
Not every symptom means the same thing.
Not every struggling child needs the same thing.
Not every difficult emotion needs to disappear.
That’s why we ask questions.
We evaluate.
We listen.
We look at patterns.
We get curious.
We bring in the right people when they’re needed.
Curiosity gives us somewhere better to begin than shame or fear.
And better understanding gives us the opportunity to make better decisions.

FROM CONSTANTLY FIXING → TO LISTENING
I’m still working on this one. 🙂
I’m a fixer.
But sometimes my wife doesn’t need me to fix something.
She needs me to listen.
Sometimes my child needs me to listen.
Sometimes someone at Live Better needs me to listen.
Sometimes my mind and body need me to listen.
And sometimes listening reveals that the next step isn’t another shiny object.
It’s subtraction.
Rest.
A boundary.
A conversation.
Help.
Or simply enough calm to see what’s actually happening.

FROM SURVIVAL → TO CAPACITY
You already know how I feel about this one.
I don’t want health just so I can say:
“I’m healthy.”
I want enough of myself available to LIVE.
To love my wife.
Wrestle with my kids.
Serve people.
Work hard.
Pray.
Exercise.
Learn.
Dream.
Experience adversity.
Recover.
And show up again tomorrow.
And I want that for our kids.
Capacity to play.
Learn.
Connect.
Move.
Struggle.
Recover.
Adapt.
Love.
Dream.
Be kids.
We’re not trying to eliminate LIFE.
We’re building greater capacity to participate in it.

FROM ISOLATION → TO RELATIONSHIP
We need people.
Guides.
Spouses.
Friends.
Mentors.
Family.
People who love us.
People who celebrate with us.
People willing to say something difficult because they care.
People who don’t need to rescue us…
but are willing to walk beside us.
You’ve heard me say it before:
Some of the deepest relationships in my life were formed because something was hard…
and somebody was still there.

FROM PERFORMANCE → TO WORTH
There’s still a little boy inside me who learned that being good at sports helped him belong.
I’m grateful for the athlete I became.
But I don’t want my kids believing they have to accomplish something first to deserve love.
And I’m still learning that lesson myself.
Work hard.
Grow.
Compete.
Build.
Serve.
Pursue excellence.
But don’t confuse what you do with what you’re worth.
Know you’re loved.
Then go love somebody else.

FROM EXISTING → TO LIVING
There are seasons when surviving today is enough.
I believe that.
But I don’t want survival to quietly become the life we accept forever.
Wake up.
React.
Work.
React.
Drive.
React.
Scroll.
Escape.
Sleep.
Repeat.
Another week.
Another month.
Another year.
And somewhere inside us:
“Is this really all there is?”
I don’t believe it is.
I think we’re here to LIVE.
Love.
Serve.
Connect.
Create.
Work.
Play.
Learn.
Struggle.
Recover.
Laugh.
Cry.
Raise kids.
Build relationships.
Help people.
Develop character.
Hope.
Dream.
Flourish.
LIVE.

That’s the Live Better Movement.
At least that’s the best way I know how to put it today.
Reaction → Intention
Distraction → Presence
Dependence → Ownership
Fear → Understanding
Constantly Fixing → Listening
Survival → Capacity
Isolation → Relationship
Performance → Worth
Existing → LIVING

Not perfectly.
Not all at once.
We’re moving.
That’s why I love that word:
Movement.
I’m not finished.
Neither are you.
Neither are our kids.
We ask better questions.
We listen.
We get help.
We make choices.
We get some wrong.
We learn.
We choose again.
And sometimes we ask ourselves:
“Am I willing?”
Then we take another step.
And friend, this is one of the reasons I’m so glad you’re at Live Better.
Whether you’ve been here for 11 years or today was your first day…
you matter here.
You have a story.
You have people you love.
You have things you’re carrying that nobody else can see.
You have questions.
You have dreams.
You have people watching the way you live.
And sometimes…
you might need somebody standing outside the problem who can help you see something you can’t quite see from inside it.
That’s what happened to me.
And it’s a privilege we don’t take lightly when you allow us to be one of those people in your life.
Not your hero.
Your guide.
Someone willing to ask questions.
Listen.
Look deeper.
Help you understand.
Challenge you when necessary.
Celebrate with you.
And walk beside you while you take ownership of where you’re going.

Because chiropractic is something we do.
Live Better is something we’re trying to LIVE.
And maybe that’s the answer I’ve been looking for all these years when someone asks me:
“Why does this place feel different?”
Maybe what you’re feeling isn’t something we created for you.
Maybe it’s something we’re creating WITH you.
Every person who walks through these doors brings another story.
Another family.
Another set of struggles.
Another set of dreams.
Another opportunity to love somebody well.
People like YOU are part of the reason this place feels the way it does.
And that’s why I’m so glad you’re here.
And there’s one last question I want to leave you with.
Actually…
I think it may be the most important question I’ve asked you in this entire series.
If you had more capacity…
If you understood yourself better…
If you were more present…
If you had great people walking beside you…
If you were willing to take ownership…
If you could calm, organize, and build…
what would you want all of that FOR?
Not:
“What symptoms would you want gone?”
Not:
“What would you want to fix?”
I’m asking something deeper.
What would you want to DO with your LIFE?
Who would you love?
Where would you go?
What would you experience?
Who would get more of you?
What would you create?
What would you teach your kids?
What would you attempt if you had the capacity to attempt it?
What would you dream about again?
Maybe don’t rush to answer that.
Sit with it.
Because I’ve learned something about questions:
The ones worth asking can change the direction we look.
And sometimes…
the direction we look changes the direction we go.
So what is all of this actually for?
I know my answer.
LIFE.
That’s where we’re going next.

Dr. Joe

LIVE BETTER.